The Story of,
This is the story of one Gabby Gillespie. Gabby is currently race age 18, and has signed with Lenoir-Rhyne University for triathlon. Gabby first got into the three sports when she fractured her tibia at age 12. At that point, she had been doing competitive gymnastics, but during the 8 month period in which she couldn’t race or compete, her mental health began to fray.
“I’m diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD,” Gabby said. “I think I first started noticing it when I had a really big injury when I was 12. I was just doing kids triathlons, and I did competitive gymnastics.”
During her injury period, Gabby started going to therapy, where she was eventually diagnosed.
“I was just sad all the time,” Gabby said. “I felt like I had no outlet to go to because training was all I knew, and it was really the only way I could cope. When I got injured, I had a really hard time.”
This is also when Gabby first developed eating problems. To her, eating was something she felt she could control, even though it put large amounts of mental and physical stress on her.
“That's when I got diagnosed,” Gabby said. “then I continued to have problems as I got back into training. I think this happens to a lot of girls, [where] you get it in your head that you have to be as small as you can so you start worrying about what you're eating, and what you're doing to be faster.”
However, Gabby discovered that she couldn't always control everything. Whether it was good for her or not.
“Anxiety was something that my parents really noticed I had my whole life,” Gabby said. “It was something that I was partially just born with. Even when I was a little, I would just struggle going to school, and I always had a harder time than the other kids. That played into my racing a lot because I used to get horrible pre race anxiety.”
With the pre-race anxiety in play, the physical strength gained in practice was unable to aid her mental strength.
“I remember swim meets where I couldn't control [myself],” Gabby said. “I would just be so worked up before my races and I saw I performed really well in practice and then I wouldn't perform as well in races.”
Another issue Gabby faced was Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Although she eventually learned to control it, the OCD controlled her for many years.
“That is probably the part that affects me the least now,” Gabby said. “[but] Anytime I was doing a certain workout, I always wanted to do an odd number of reps. I didn’t like certain numbers, and I had to do things in a very organized fashion. That was very frustrating because I felt like I had to, but there was no reason for me to do whatever it was.”
Gabby had to learn to let go of the unhealthy mindset of restricted eating. After that, she began to recover.
“I was coming back, and I had transitioned into swimming as a therapy since I couldn't walk, I couldn't run, but I could swim,” Gabby said. “I really fell in love with it, but the big thing was that I had never been in such a sport that took so much out of you. And I never had eaten enough. I would always get to practice, and I wouldn’t be able to finish workouts because I didn't have any nutrients to pull off of.”
Despite the challenge of overcoming her anxiety, Gabby persevered and improved mentally and physically.
“It was so hard for me to let myself eat and gain the weight in order to be healthy,” Gabby said. “As soon as I did, I dropped so much time, and I was able to actually compete. I was able to heal.”
Gabby still feels the specter of control haunting her. The trauma of undereating has never completely left her mind.
“It's something that when you have it stays in the back of your mind,” Gabby said. “And it will come up every once in a while, but I can control it. It doesn't control me anymore. It used to be all I thought about, and it was my whole life. But now I can tell myself, ‘you have to eat in order to train well.”
Whenever she was in competitive gymnastics, they didn’t teach healthy eating. Instead, they taught undereating so the athlete would have the body type they wanted.
“The transition into swimming, running and triathlon, honestly, I think it saved my life,” Gabby said. “Without switching over, I don't know where I would have been. I was just so underweight, and so unhappy.”
As swimming was the first of the three sports for Gabby to pick up, it moved her down the road to recovery. She began to feel healthy, physically and mentally.
“It forced me to eat, there was just no way that I was going to be able to be successful and train (competing in high school and college) if I didn't have the right nutrients,” Gabby said. “How they talk to you about fuel food, and fueling your body is so much more positive in triathlons. They teach you to not eat less, eat better, and that's how it should be.”
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