Story of Abigail
This is the story of Abigail. Yes, like Rachel (read last story) Abigail has a last name but requested that I only use her first name for this story. Abigail requested that we only use her first name for fear that her guardians would not support her sharing her story, since they have brushed off Abigail’s mental health issues in the past.
“I have really bad anxiety, I think,” Abigail said. “Sometimes it's hard to stand up for myself, and when I get anxious about something that I want to do well in, or I think I've disappointed someone, I get really, really down about those things. And that's when the depression kind of kicks in.”
Abigail’s negative emotional experience stem from her experiences from when she was just a little girl.
“The anxiety came because I was assaulted when I was a little kid,” Abigail said. “That's a really dark thing and that really changed me. And trying to move on from there, I brought some dark stuff. And then I got into a relationship with this boy. And it was bad for a number of reasons. And when we broke up it made me super, super depressed.”
Abigail’s experiences scarred her and left her confused. She wasn’t able to open up and explain herself..
“There was definitely a little hint of it (depression/anxiety) before,” Abigail said. “I realized what had happened to me, and that's when the little there were little hints of depression. I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, like, how do I tell people this’?”
Because she didn’t tell people, she became much more seclusive and put herself apart from others.
“, I would kind of shut myself in my room and lay around a lot, and I became not myself,” Abigail said. “And right, when the break up hit, it hit me hard. And that was a big moment.”
Though Abigail faces some emotional distress, triathlon has a constructive effect on her life.
“Triathlon has helped in a positive way, and gives me something to do every single day,” Abigail said. “It gets me up out of bed, because that is the one thing I'm so excited for. And it gives me social groups, it makes me happy and excited, it gives me stuff to look forward to.”
Triathlon has a cost and is a two-sided coin.
“It sometimes burns me out,” Abigail said. “You know, we're trying to perform at such a high level, and you're trying to get your homework done, you're trying to get chores done and see friends. I get so wrapped up in training that I kind of get burnt out mentally, or I get in my head about wanting to perform well.”
Triathlon is a mental sport, and Abigail feels the effects emotionally.
“When I get in a depressive sort of episode, I feel like training becomes overwhelming,” Abigail said. “Because, you know, I can barely get myself out of bed, brush my teeth. And the thought of trying to run five, six miles or swim for an hour and a half, drylands workout twice a day is, unimaginable.”
Abigail isn’t the only one who hasn’t had the support she needs to get help, which she wants to change for everyone.
“I would like to see more resources available to athletes,” Abigail said. “Because, you know there’s no place for them to go. My parents were like ‘we don't want you going to see a health professional because if you get on Team USA, and then they look at your record and see that you have this past they're not going to choose you because you're not as stable as an athlete’.”
Some of the mental issues in the triathlon community stem from our own minds, experiencing false accusations from those around us.
“You see these athletes and they're so skinny, because they're working out so often,” Abigail said. “And like sometimes you look at these pro athletes, and you compare yourself and your body to them. You say: ‘Oh, dear, I'm too fat for this’. I heard from friends that they're comparing themselves. Their stomachs or their thighs. Because a lot of runners have those leaner muscles. And sometimes they complain about cycling, making it too big, and they don't want to look too big or stuff like that.”
In this sport, they’re very few resources for the athletes facing mental adversaries. Abigail is facing depression, anxiety, and more but can’t get the help she needs because her parents don’t think that’s what USAT would want. Mental issues are not a bad thing. But there made out to be because they’re swept underneath the carpet and people pretend they’re not prudent. Girls are starving themselves because nobody is telling them this is wrong. You need to look at yourself and others differently. Resources need to be made available so athletes can get the help they need and deserve, without the support of others or not.
Yours truly,
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